Let me start this off with saying I have never experienced immense success in the dating department. I tend to have a real soft spot for the non-committal type which in the long run, as you can imagine, is a huge roadblock if, like me, you’re looking for a relationship. After every dating attempt I do a massive autopsy and think long and hard about any and every moment where something might have gone wrong and what I might have said or done that caused the fling to flop. Now I know I’m not the only person (it’s not just girls) to do this but it is so unhealthy to go back and think over and over again on what you could have done better. Have we ever thought that maybe it wasn’t us and we just weren’t with the right person? It took me years of miserable agony to figure out that I pick the wrong men – and trust me, I’m still learning it the hard way. If someone needed putting-back-together and ‘didn’t know what they wanted’, I was sold. It was like I would hear those words and poof – I needed to have them and be what they didn’t know they wanted.
In a good scenario, we would break up or simply put an end to the dating aspect and though respectfully done, it still stings. Or on the other hand, the guy ghosts you; when all communication vanishes and he’s never to be heard from again. Probably because the loser is too scared to have ‘the talk’ and wants to slip away in the dead of night.
Long story short, the relationship or fling wouldn’t work out and instantly I would either unfollow them on social media or simply mute or block their posts from popping up on my timeline. Who needs the reminder that your ex is perfectly happy without you? Not me.
So imagine my surprise when I post an IG story and see that one of my handful of unsuccessful attempts has seen it. Even better when I notice that a guy I dated (for fun, let’s call him Mr. Big) who I had a long history with and dated for nearly a year and actually unfollowed me after the fact, has been watching my IG story documenting my full day and night. And it gets even stranger when the weirdo who dumped me over text 4 years ago creeps my stories and likes my photos. What gives, right? And better yet, does it mean anything? My first thought after seeing that Mr. Big saw my story was instantly, ‘is he going to call me?’ and the answer was no. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, and he sure as hell didn’t show up at my house begging for me to take him back.
Having all these feelings rushing back and scenarios playing out in my head made me want to get a few opinions from friends and fellow #TeamE7 gals so I spoke to Jen Kirsch (dating and relationship guru) and Kait Fowlie (expert on all things astrology and tarot) to get their perspective on my situation. Trust me, I needed all the help I could get! So here’s what they shared with me:
Blame It On The Moon Phase (Sometimes)
Kait offered some great insight on what astrology signs might be more likely to ghost but don’t read too far into it. Anyone who blames their star sign on their behaviour is full of it and needs to do some serious growing up. Kait says, “When it comes to astrology as an energetic influence in our personalities, there are some planets/signs that ‘want’ to be free and independent, and when could lead us to want to ghost.” The key takeaway here is to pay close attention to your S-O or S-O to be’s moon sign which rules our emotional needs and what makes us feel secure. Plus, if you do get ghosted, find out what phase the moon is in – it’s proven that it can have a wacky effect on humans!
If A Guy Wants To Contact You, He Will
Jen said that while it does seem ‘interesting’ that someone I dated who no longer follows me is looking at my story, she doesn’t think it means anything in the long run. If Mr. Big wanted to contact me (beyond stalking my IG), he would. Another brilliant point that Jen brought up was that when you’re looking at who’s watching your stories, be careful that that doesn’t dictate your behaviour. Don’t let one person change what you post or don’t post. Who cares what an ex thinks of your selfie of your new hair cut, post the damn selfie on your IG story if it makes you feel good! What Jen also said that resonated with me was that it’s more showing when someone goes out of their way to avoid looking at your story – that’s def more of my MO.
Maybe He Just Wants To Make Sure You’re Okay
Don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly happy being friendly with an ex if the fling ended on respectful terms but if it didn’t, well, don’t expect me to be making all sorts of small talk. In fact, I recently reconnected with an ex because I really needed to get a guy’s perspective on this.
Let’s call him Jack. Jack and his longtime girlfriend broke up a few months back but he still watches her IG stories. Why? Because it’s his way of keeping up with what’s going on in her life and he can still make sure she’s “okay.” When I asked if he thinks this might prevent her and himself from moving on, he said “Seeing her name pop up on my stories gives me peace of mind that she’s living her life and is happy.” Jack also said that he likes seeing what she gets up to because they were together for a while but gets that it could be weird if he saw a story of her out with another guy.
After writing this piece, and believe me, I went back and forth deciding on if I wanted to, I finally blocked Mr. Big from seeing my IG stories. An ex lost the privilege of being involved in my life when they took themselves out of the narrative. While I did like the fact that he would still think of me and still cared enough to want to see what I’m up to, I decided that it was messing with my head and I that it was in fact preventing me from moving on. Bye Felicia.