First, I want to start off by saying I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry that you are here and are going through this whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and feelings, all which come alongside a break up, like a doggy bag no one asked for.
Not only are you dealing with coming to terms with the split and analyzing it and looking back at ‘what once was,’ and ‘if-only’ing,’ the whole goddamn situation, but you’re also going through the change of your daily routine, the anxiety that comes with thoughts on how to tell people, and maybe negative (and unrealistic, keep that in mind) thoughts about yourself. And on top of all that (as if that’s not enough!) you’re dealing with it in dreaded January, of all months. Woof.
Coming down from the joy and parties and get-togethers and forced plans and distractions that accompany the holiday season, this tends to be a month punctuated by the exact opposite. Many use this month to hibernate, to spend time alone to reflect and to focus on goals like Dry January or getting a habitual fitness routine back on track. It’s a cold, dark, lingering month and in the background is the awareness that Valentine’s Day is creeping up.
I get it. I acknowledge it. And I’m sorry you’re here. But, work with me here, because this just may be a great opportunity and time to get back to your authentic, divine, genuine self. The real you. The one you are deep down and will always be, just now with another lesson learned about yourself, which you’ll grow from overtime.
With January comes new beginnings and clean slates and the whimsical idea that this year will be The Year that you can finally have it all, whatever having it all means to you.
So let’s use this ever-so-slow month to get you back to a place where you see yourself as worthy, and happy and fulfilled. I see her deep within. The you that – I may be projecting here – you may have lost, as your relationship spiralled before it officially ended. My goal is to help you get out of whatever rut you’re.
So how exactly? Firstly, accept that the relationship is actually over and then treat it as such. That means yes, you have to stop sleeping with them and yes, you need to stop fooling yourself that “they didn’t really mean it when they ended things” and you can convince them (aka manipulate them) into getting back with you. These aren’t things strong women do and certainly aren’t things a lady who respects herself does.
What she does is delete her ex’s number and social media channels from her phone so as not to be triggered or tempted.
She shares the news of the break up with friends, family and even makes an announcement via social, as soon as possible, to help accept that it’s over and to hold herself responsible when it comes to even thinking about getting back together.
She takes off those rosy-shaded glasses and looks clearly at the flaws and faults in the relationship, and listens to her gut when it says, this is right.
She does things that make her happy and make her feel strong mentally, physically and emotionally. This can be through career goals, fitness goals, or spending time with those people or things that bring out the best in her (yes a book or a pet count!)
The recipe to getting your confidence back is half acceptance, and then taking care of yourself in all facets of the word. And then one day, just like that, your ex won’t be the first person on your mind when you wake up one morning. You’ll feel a sudden weight off your shoulders and a sense of knowingness that you’re you again. You’re whole again. But these things take time so just keep on with it and don’t look back.
You will get there. You are worthy. I believe in you. But trust that you can, and I assure you, you will. Boy, will you ever.
You Got This!
(Story by Contributing Editor, Jen Kirsch)