Romantic comedies or dramas have long had a reputation of creating unrealistic ideals of love. And yet, they also inspire us to try a little harder, aim a little higher, and go a little deeper in the name of love.
Movies can motivate us to return our attention to our own hearts. They often invite us to take the time to reflect on how vibrant, compelling, and connected we our to our significant others, our friends, our communities, and our wider social systems.
Movies demonstrate how the story of love can help us decipher what our heart needs in love. That doesn’t mean that our connections are all rainbows and unicorns, that we don’t have to work, or that it’s easy. Quite the opposite, it often requires absolute courage and effort.
My book The Letter Code conveys with simplicity something that is pretty complex, and often confusing. It is a simple and easy classification system that gives users an advantage to creating fulfilling connections with their significant others. After personal analysis and a short quiz (available here) you can identify what letter you are most in line with: A, H, W or Y, and what your letter personality types means about the way you love.
The shapes of the four letters visually represent four primary motivations that drive people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in their romantic relationships.
The films noted below offer representations of the level of connectivity, touching, communication, giving, receiving and functioning we should all strive for in our relationships. They also perfectly illustrate the letters of The Letter Code. Do you identify with one of the couples below?
Two Hs: Wonder Woman
This movie made both men and women alike believe in the modern-day power couple again. Both characters are strong independently, make up their own minds, and take care of their own missions. When they combine, they are unstoppable. Hs want to maintain their control, reign over their own lives, and maintain their unique identity. In love, they connect together in companionship, in goal attainment or a shared responsibility, or shared hobby/pleasure.
Two As: The Notebook
There is a line in the notebook, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird,” which conveys what an A relationship is meant to do: uplift each person to feel better. A’s want a warm nurturing relationship that provides protection, a shelter, and comfort during hard seasons, and inspiration during good ones. They are natural caretakers, and each of the characters take turns doing so throughout this film in a passionate, and sweet dynamic.
Two Ys: A Star is Born
When I was watching A Star is Born, immediately, I thought “They are both Ys!” The couple merges their unique selves into a single entity. One that is deep, significantly rooted, and not swayed by hardship. They are in it ALL together, through thick and thin. Ys want a full-time teammate, a partner in crime, a best friend, and to enjoy a shared identity. They inherently believe that loving in this way is far more productive than being independent.
Two Ws: The Fault in Our Stars
Both young lovers here are realistic, and yet dreamers. “You realize that trying to keep your distance will not lessen my affection for you.” Ws vacillate between wanting to go off in their own direction (both out of protection and out of exploration) and to heavily lean into their partner for stability, inspiration, and advice. In love, they connect together through shared adversity, personal development, and sharing in learning experiences and doing new things.
The messages of love in each movie are all different…because what we are looking for in love can vary. Yes, you can love in a way that works for you. It becomes much easier to do so when you know why you love, and what one of the four styles makes connectivity easily identifiable for you.
I am convinced that we are entering into a cultural season where we re-commit to establishing highly effective, satisfying and powerful partnerships. It’s time for us to move from the word “compromise” and start embracing the practice of “collaboration.”
I’m excited for you to share what your code is with yourself, and then your most significant other. For more information on my book, please click HERE.
(Story contributed by Dr. Krystal White)