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24 Sep 2017


By Gracie Carroll

The Seven Guys You Will Date Before You Turn 27

By Sarah Dziedzic

7 guys you'll date before you turn 27

Let’s face it: Dating can really suck. The most we can do is not take ourselves too seriously along the way and maybe have a little fun at our past dates’ expense. Chances are you’ve come across a few of these characters online or otherwise (I certainly have), and, if you haven’t, then use my guide to help keep an eye out for ’em.

In the spirit of being a good sport I’ve made my own profile because we all have our pros and cons. So here’s a little about me, Sarah. Pros: Decent road trip companion, always bearing snacks, is a snack. Cons: Will blog about you Taylor Swift-style if you cross her, sends unsolicited renditions of Chingy songs, forgets to turn off her alarm before getting in the shower.

Keep reading to meet the 7 guys you will date before you turn 27:


Pros: Knows all the best restaurants, will get a pedicure with you.

Cons: Doesn’t think his trust fund makes him any less self-made, can’t hear you over his podcast, will dump you over Snapchat.


Pros: Sweet, plays an instrument, your mom loves him.

Cons: Painfully indecisive, still keeps a locket of hair from his sixth grade girlfriend, generally dull.


Pros: Open about his feelings, gets you in at an exclusive yoga studio.

Cons: Grossed out by periods, will remind you it’s pronounced SH-eye with a silent “N”, wants you to try his home-brewed ayahuasca.


Pros: Social, great chemistry, takes you to the beach in his jeep.

Cons: Ditches you at his cousin’s wedding, chats exclusively through DMs. Oh, did he mention he could’ve gone pro when he was younger?


Pros: Artsy, good listener, can French braid your hair.

Cons: Lives in a one-car garage with three other roommates, doesn’t believe in social media but remains active on Bumble.



Pros: Thoughtful, helps you lose two inches, puts together all your IKEA furniture for you.

Cons: Occasionally wears a puka shell necklace, takes his laundry home, thinks Mike Pence is misunderstood.


Pros: Funny, can cook, takes great candid photos of you.

Cons: Stole $20 from your wallet on the second date, talks shit about you in Czech in front of his friends



(Story by Contributing Editor, Sarah Dziedzic; Illustrations by Genevieve Pizzale)

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