If you ask me, to ‘awaken your inner sex goddess’ is essentially, to awaken your zest for life. It’s our ability to feel pleasure, excitement, intrigue, and curiosity, and let them move us. Owning our pleasure isn’t just about what happens in our sex life – it’s about having our senses totally turned on as we move through the world, and, ultimately, having an overall sexier relationship with all parts of our LIFE.
Whether you’re dating, not dating, married, or happily single – getting in touch with your inner sex god or goddess can put you in the driver’s seat of your pleasure and your power. And THAT is the best place to be. Harness this peak-summer energy to get there now! Here are 7 ways to awaken your inner sex goddess.
Put your focus on feeling and sensuality
over ‘sexual stimulation’ first
Firstly: let’s chill on the pressure we put on ourselves to have orgasms. Orgasms in and of themselves are only a small part of our sex lives. And all the other aspects – being with a partner, thinking about a partner, feeling good in your body, the lead-up to kissing, etc. are all what make our sex lives enjoyable.
Without worrying about how INTENSE or extreme ‘pleasure’ can be, just start to focus on feeling the subtle pleasures in just feeling. Allow your senses to teach you what feels good. This is an exercise in being present and engaged with your body more than you are engaged with your thinking or judgement, in any given moment. This is a good exercise for everyone, from the multi-orgasmic to the not-so-orgasmic.
Some ways you might explore sensuality:
- Take your ear buds out. Walk around a park or leafy spot and let nature wake up your senses.
- Hold yourself and arrange your posture so you feel awake and open through the day.
- Breathe deep into your belly, for a more nourishing, full breath. Think of each breath as an opportunity to take in more life.
- Sit in meditation and turn on your five senses one at a time.
- Talk to your body parts (not out loud. Or out loud, whatever you’re into). Ask your heart how it is. Your hands. Your feet. Your eyes.
- Experiment with the question: how do I feel right now?
- Ask yourself what it means to be sensual. Consider someone who strikes you as particularly sensual or sexy or alluring and ask yourself what, exactly, about that person speaks to you?
Move your body in unstructured ways.
Let your body’s knowing guide your movement and see how your body ‘wants’ to move. Play with the contraction and release of tension. What just naturally feels good, in your body? Put on some music that makes you feel like a bad bitch / mystical queen / powerful human, and let it guide your movement. Make your movement organic and fluid (think: belly-dancing).
Why this works: our sacral chakra, the energy centre at our reproductive organs, is the seat of our creative drives. When this chakra is blocked or out of balance, it isn’t receiving enough energy flow. Moving your hips – and ankles and wrists, in circles can help you get some chi (life-force energy) flowing back into this area and fire up your desire and creativity. Some other ways to do this, if you’re into crystals, get an orange crystal like a citrine or amber and put it on this area and visualize fire inside your lower abdomen and groin.
Build your content library.
Psychologist Michaela Boehm writes, via Goop, “women’s bodies are built to learn by resonance and assimilation. Experiencing pleasure by reading or seeing other women’s sensations informs your own body and heightens arousal. Research what material informs your body’s sensual reactions and keep a ‘library’ as a way of inducing heightened senses.”
In other words, looking at other women experiencing pleasure might help lead you find out what makes you respond similarly. What have you read or watched that stuck in your mind as being particularly hot? Think about some patterns you can identify, and let that lead you.
REMEMBER: The brain is the biggest erogenous zone.
To stimulate your bod is to stimulate your MIND! They are not lying when they say the mind is the biggest erogenous zone. Connect with your sense of curiosity and check out a workshop at Good For Her, like Sexual confidence in and out of the bedroom (August 14, 7:00 PM – 9:30 PM, 35$) or Doing your kegels correctly for pleasure and health (August 21, 7:00 PM – 9:30 PM, 35$) and let the pros expand your mind.
For audio learners, listen to Emily Morse’s podcast (one of the longest running sex and relationship podcasts out there – this lady is an OG) to her caller Q&As on everything from trends and subcultures to love and marriage. Or, listen to Dan Savage’s Savagelovecast, another sexpert who’s been around since 2006, holding nothing back in the realm of sexual inquiry.
For visual learners, take a peruse through your IG feed and follow / stalk these sex goddesses / gods who are doing mind-blowing work in changing the way we talk about sex: Alexandra Roxo, Kim Anami, John Wineland.
Get you a yoni egg.
Heard of yoni eggs – AKA jade eggs? Yes, the crystal eggs you put in your vag. These tiny tools utilize the healing power of crystals to facilitate the flow of energy and pleasure in your body, and make pleasure more possible – via strengthening your vaginal muscles, and also, via healing crystal energy. Small, but mighty, these little gems. Try one out and see how your relationship with your body changes.
Get you a sex toy you VIBE WITH.
So, probably all of us had an experience in high school at some cheesy sex shop that sold overpriced plastic dildos that look like something you might win at a circus – but honestly, it can be so much better than this! Brands like Chakrubs and Love Stone and stores like Good for Her make really beautiful, quality products for women that are designed for your body, not a performance.
Identify the barriers between you and
your inner sex goddess.
The truth is, all of us will likely need to explore our areas of resistance before we can get to know our inner sex goddess. What’s standing between you and your pleasure? Think about whatever comes to mind that might make you feel less than godly, in your life. Maybe a relationships that drags you down? Or a mindset or distraction that keeps you feeling small or powerless? Think about what’s standing between you and your full expression of your power, and then ask yourself – what would you higher self – or, your inner sex goddess, say?
(Story by Contributing Editor, Kait Fowlie)