There’s something hella romantic about spending the first long weekend together with your new bae, whether it includes his or your friends and fam, or just the two of you love birds on your lonesome. Long weekends are ever-so-romanticized because it gives you both the opportunity to bond, create new memories, all with space away from the usual daily grind.
But with a getaway and extended stay together, there’s also more potential to fuck things up, or to be disappointed if things don’t work out how you hoped they would. We’ve all been there leading up to the “first getaway”. Our stomachs are in shambles leading up to the trip and we can’t for the life of us tell if it’s because we’ve got a case of the butterflies, or because we’re nervous AF. So many things can happen, and anxiety around this tends to fly oh-so high with what if’s and how to’s on our wondrous mind.
Here are 7 anxiety inducing been-there-done-that thoughts about things that can go wrong that stress every girl out before spending the first long weekend with her new bae and how to get your head wrapped around each one in time for your voyage.
The Car Ride (of Doom or Bloom):
If this is your first time being in a car together for an extended period of time, chances are you’re worried that you won’t have anything to talk about. Here’s where creating a killer playlist comes in. Choose a mix of uplifting songs and a few songs that you guys might have inside jokes about. Not only does music act as a great backdrop, but it shows a caring side of you he may have yet to see. It’s the perfect homage to creating a mix tape for a crush.
The Pressure to Have ‘The Talk’:
If he’s bringing you to meet his friends and fam for the first time or vice versa, chances are the host has heard that you guys are dating. But what about other guests? What if they ask him if you’re his girlfriend or vice versa? If you’ve been together for a few weeks or a couple months and it feels comfortable, use the car ride there to check in with him and see what his thoughts are. This will ensure you’re not shocked when he introduces you as a friend, but you might be pleasantly surprised with his answer. Share your feedback too. With nothing but an open road and time, there’s no way to dodge a talk if you think it’s time to have it. If not, when people ask your connection say you’re hanging out and seeing where things go. Less is more, baby girl. Own that shit.
To Go Dutch or Not To Go Dutch?
Money is weird to talk about in general. And it’s all the more weird when you’re dating someone new. Who’s paying for the gas? The food? The accommodations? Has it been discussed, or assumed? Are you meant to go dutch? What if one makes more money than the other? Is that person meant to pay? What about a hostess gift? What if someone had perks from their connections and got a spot comped? Does the other ‘owe’ something? Case in point: Before moving into the heart of Toronto, I had a car and I had it since I got my license. This meant, whenever I went away with partners, I’d usually be the driver. I never once asked for money for gas or parking money because it was my pleasure to drive. That’s one of the costs of having a car. That said, I’ve had a past boyfriend threaten not to come out with me unless I pitched for his gas and paid for his parking. I think what it all comes down to is how you approach the money situation. Demanding something or threatening them is obviously a big red flag, but having an open conversation about expectations – uncomfortable though it might be – is healthy and realistic. If you’re looking for someone long-term, how you handle these sorts of confrontations can be really telling. If you can’t talk through this in an open, honest way, without fear of walking on egg shells, question why you’re even worth them in the first place.
Dealing with The Elephant In The Room
(when it comes to his or your friends):
First impressions are everything, so warn your guy about any topics that are off limits and about some background on each of the people that will be there, or have him do the same for you. Not only does this give you something to talk about if one of you leaves the room and you feel out of place and tongue tied, but it’s also good to be aware of if you start drinking. Meeting each other’s friends and family is a big step and you only get one chance at a first impression. Be yourself, no doubt, but do that by being socially aware. Be attentive to social cues such as body language, avoid political or controversial topics (at least for now) and know that it’s always better to be happy, not right.
Expect The Unexpected:
There may only be one washroom. It may be directly next to the main room where everyone is hanging out, without any music playing, of course. Do what you got to do. Running water is your friend. So are matches. Light one after you go to clear the room. Bring a pack with you. That’s not weird, shows initiative. Also, if you’re on your period and you’re worried about leaking, pack sheets and pull a DIY on the bed. The place not have an emergency washer and bleach at your service. Not cute. But wait, there’s more. You may get there only to find out you’ve been with his friend or worse, his brother. Be a mensch. Keep your head held high. Don’t run from an uncomfortable situation. Just take your phone to the nearest private room, vent to your bestie via text. Then delete said texts, take a few breaths, splash your face with water and keep on keeping on. You got this.
Forget Me Not:
I’m the queen of over-packing and I’m damn proud of it. Because it’s better to be prepared than to be caught in a jam. Sure, bae may make fun of your suitcase for a two day jaunt, but comfort is the name of the game. I pack clothes and jackets and shades and bathers and the like to be prepared for a change in weather. I pack a pair of heels just in case there’s a change in plans and we want to leave the cottage/resort, etc., and explore. I bring runners in case there’s an opp to rent bikes or go for a hike. And I bring a book or two so I can maintain a sense of independence. Too much is never enough, is a motto all us gemini’s live by so join the club. Also, always bring a hostess gift if you’re visiting someone else’s spot. A bottle of Whispering Angel will do if they drink, or a home baked something if they don’t. Just be aware of dietary restrictions. Speaking of which, if you’re veg and visiting someone else’s space, have your own back covered with veggie burgers and the like.
Behind Closed Doors:
If you want to hook-up with bae but you’re staying at a crammed cottage, be as aware as you can be. Are the walls super thin? Is the bed creaky? Are you really sure everyone is down at the dock? Is there a garbage in the room? You may be hot and bothered, but try to keep it hot without bothering others. You feel me, girl?
*Note: If it’s just the two of you savour the time together. You may talk or sweat or drool in your sleep. You may feel uncomfortable in a bikini in front of him. You may be overwhelmed or suffocated and want to take a walk or read a book on your lonesome. There are no rules. It’s all okay. Just be communicative and trust your gut. Some deal breakers may arise, but I say wait until you get home to talk about them and savour as much as you can.
(Story by Contributing Editor, Jen Kirsch)