You’re single. You’re looking. You’re so over dating apps. You’re so over the ‘things will happen if they’re meant to’ mentality.
Because the fact of the matter is that though hoping is nice in theory, it’s not so much so in practice. Nothing will come your pretty little way if you don’t take action and put yourself out there. So how prey tell are you expected to do just that? Where is one single little lady meant to begin?
Firstly, you’ve got to make it known that you’re single. I’m not saying you need to make a public announcement like many celebs need to do to set the record straight, but if you and the most recent person you were attached to called it off, share that with your friends. Not only will it make you accountable, but word tends to spread and if someone’s interested and has been waiting in the wings, they can be aware that you’re on the market, if in fact you are.
Secondly, get out of your home. This may sound obvious but many of those who tend to complain that they don’t know where to find someone, don’t actually put effort into going out and about. It can be something as simple as grabbing your laptop and your charger(s) and heading to a cute, happening café. It can be signing up to do a class at the gym or at that studio you’ve been meaning to check out. It can be saying yes to an invite, meeting a friend for after work drinks, or even taking yourself out with a book and setting up shop at a local watering hole. By getting out you’re doing the work to place yourself in a position to potential meet and connect with others.
Ready to get back out there? Here are 7 tips on where and how to meet people in real life (and how to approach them accordingly):
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The Shared Work Space
As a freelancer, I can just as easily work from home as I can elsewhere. Same goes for you, but of course. But working from home doesn’t allow you to meet new people, or run into familiar faces. If you work from home, maybe schedule two days a week to work at a shared office space. This is a great way to meet new people/potential partners. Potential partners with a job, at that!
The Coffee Shop
Similar to the above, it’s all about getting yourself literally out there. Chat to your baristas. Hold the door open for that babe coming in behind you. Offer someone to share your table if the place is busy and you’re a single at a table for two or more. Make eye contact when new people walk in, and smile at them. Ask a stranger if you can charge your phone/lap top, etc at an outlet near them. I have made so many friends and have gone on a handful of dates with people I’ve met at my local coffee shop. It’s a hub of constantly-rotating company. You never know who’ll pop in. Just be open, friendly, confident and optimistic and the rest will follow suit.
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I have a friend who met her now husband by meeting him at a café to talk about working together. He had originally met her to potentially hire her on for a partnership after she came recommended, but sparks were flying when they originally met so they didn’t end up ever working together and immediately started dating, before he proposed 8 months later. All of this is to say that you should be open-minded when you go to meet others, because you never know what can happen. Also, I’m totally for reaching out to someone you’re interested in or curious about under the guise of work. This creates an immediate point of contact and will give you an idea if there’s something more there. People are super accessible today so go ahead and hit that person who has piqued your interest up by sliding into their DM’s to see if you can pick their brain/meet IRL to talk work, etc. You don’t get if you don’t ask. They may see through your “work” rouse, and they may like it!
If you’re someone who has a gym, pilates, spin or yoga routine, keep on keeping on but be aware of the people who surround you and don’t be afraid to say hi to those who you see day in and day out. Relationships work best when you find likeminded people, so meeting someone at the gym is not only a great point of conversation but is a way to determine that you have likeminded interests, at least when it comes to your health and wellbeing. Natasha Koifman, president of NKPR met her race-car driving fiancé Anthony Mantella when she was at her local gym on a random day. This goes to show that you don’t need to be ‘dressed up’ or clad in the perfect make up to catch someone’s interest. Just get out and be open and don’t be afraid to say hello and maybe even ask a fellow gym member if they want to get a juice with you après class. You may be pleasantly surprised.
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How’s this for a party trick…forego your plus one and head to an event alone. Heading out to a social setting solo makes you more approachable, and also forces you to actually chat with other people. When we head to an event with a friend in tow, we end up catching up with them. But when you’re forced to chat with others you’d be surprised at the type of conversations you’re capable of. Plus you can move yourself from any situation at your own leisure. Keep cards on you or exchange emails, Instagram account info or numbers with the new people you meet and follow up with them soon after meeting. You never know who they know if you didn’t make a love-connection with them.
Through Word of Mouth
By now you likely only surround yourself with grade A people. If not, rid yourself of toxic friends and make sure you only give your time to friends who make you feel better, not worse. And then, let those friends know that you’re single and open to meeting new people. This is how people met in the olden days and it’s a tried, tested and true tactic. Friends don’t want to waste your time, nor do they want to waste time of their friends, so this little matchmaking tactic is one that will likely match you with a likeminded mate, who you already know is a good catch.
Ok this may not be IRL, but through Instagram or Twitter accounts you genuinely get to see who people really are…or at least how they want to present themselves. See an account you love? Hit the person behind it up. Met someone and can’t get them out of your mind and have mutual friends? Hit them up on social. As long as you don’t reach out to them in a creepy way and you’re authentic and honest about your intentions, there’s no harm. In the worst case, they’ll be flattered, but unavailable. In the best, they might think you’re cute too and equally intrigued. Stop second guessing yourself, bite the bullet and do what every other living breathing human is doing: Sliding into potential partners DMs.
(Story by Contributing Editor, Jen Kirsch)